Chat groups for adults: finding your people in the LuXeel Community
Groups are where an online community turns into company. How groups work in the LuXeel Community, which kinds exist, how to pick the right ones, how to start your own, and the etiquette that keeps a group worth being in.
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A feed is a crowd. A group is a room. The difference matters most to people who join a community hoping for company, because a crowd gives you things to look at and a room gives you people to talk to. This guide is about the rooms: how groups work in the LuXeel Community, how to find the right ones, how to start your own, and how to behave so that the room stays good.
The Community is free to join, and groups are free to join and to create. If you have not joined yet, how the Community works explains the whole thing in five minutes.
How groups work
A group is a space inside the Community with its own feed, its own members and, usually, its own subject. Anyone can create one. Groups can be:
- Public, where anyone can see and join;
- Closed, where anyone can see that it exists but needs approval to join and see posts;
- Private, invisible except to members.
Inside, members post to the group's feed, comment, and message each other privately. Group admins set the rules, approve members for closed groups, and remove posts or people who break them.
The kinds of groups people join
A few kinds come up again and again, because they answer the needs people arrive with:
| Kind | What happens there | Good for |
|---|---|---|
| City groups | "Anyone out tonight?", venue tips, who is touring, local events | Everyone; join your city first |
| Interest groups | Whatever the interest is: wine, motorcycles, a sport, a kind of music | Finding people who like what you like |
| Going-out groups | Planned meetups at a bar or event, with a headcount | People who want company for a night out |
| Creator fan groups | A companion or creator's own group, for the people who follow her | Staying close to someone whose posts you enjoy |
| Newcomer groups | For people new to a city or new to the Community | The first month |
| Lifestyle and kink groups | Specific adult interests, run by people in them, usually closed | Finding your people without explaining yourself |
| Support groups | Separated, bereaved, working away, carers | Company from people in the same season |
Choosing well
Join three to begin with: your city, one interest, one that matches why you came. More than that and you will not keep up. Before joining, read the last week of posts: a good group has conversation (replies, not just posts), a visible admin, and rules you can find. A group with fifty posts and no comments is a noticeboard, not a room.
Starting your own
If the group you want does not exist, start it; the groups that work best are often the ones someone started because they wanted to be in it.
- Name it plainly. "Melbourne weeknight wine bars" beats "Vino Vibes MELB".
- Write three rules in the description: what the group is for, what is not allowed, and how to treat each other.
- Post first. Three or four posts before you invite anyone, so that it is not an empty room.
- Invite ten people personally, by message, with a sentence about why you thought of them.
- Reply to every post for the first month. The admin's replies are what teach a group to talk.
- Hold the line on the rules, early and politely. One tolerated bad post teaches the group that the rules are decoration.
Group etiquette
The habits that keep a group worth being in, for members:
- Read the rules, then read the room. Every group has a tone. Match it before you set it.
- Reply more than you post. A group of people who only post is a wall of monologues.
- Introduce yourself once, briefly, when you join. Not your life story: your city, why you are here, one thing you like.
- Keep private things private. What someone says in a closed group stays there. Screenshots shared elsewhere end friendships and get people removed.
- No selling, unless the group is for it. Creators have their own groups and pages; a fan group is not a billboard.
- Ask before you DM. A reply in the thread, then "mind if I message you?" is how it is done. Cold messages to strangers who commented once are how it is not done.
- Disagree with the post, not the person. Admins remove the latter.
- Report, don't retaliate. Admins and moderators act on reports; a public argument helps nobody.
And for creators and companions:
- Your fan group is yours, and the people in it are there because they like you. Post what you would want to read: touring dates, what you are up to, questions for them. Members-only content belongs behind your membership, not in the group.
- Do not post in other creators' groups to promote yourself. It is the fastest way to be removed from both.
Safety in groups
Groups are public or semi-public spaces, and the usual care applies: keep your legal name, address and workplace out of them; be wary of anyone who moves quickly to asking for money, photos or a meeting; and use the report button. Our privacy guide and scams guide cover the patterns. Admins and the Community's moderators read reports and act on them.
Where this leads
Most of the friendships, and some of the relationships, that begin in an online community begin in a group thread: someone replies to someone, the conversation moves to messages, and one day they are at the same bar. The groups are the beginning. Join your city's group tonight, say hello, and reply to one person.