Sex toys: a beginner's guide to choosing one and staying safe

Somewhere between curiosity and the checkout button, most people hesitate. Which one? Is it safe? What if my partner feels replaced? What will turn up on my bank statement? Sex toys are one of the easiest, most fun ways to explore pleasure, alone or together, but the choice is overwhelming and the labels are not always honest. This guide answers the question people really ask, "are sex toys safe?", and then helps you choose a first toy, look after it, buy it discreetly and bring it into the bedroom with a smile rather than a speech.

Are sex toys safe?

The short answer: yes, when they are made from body-safe materials, used with the right lube, kept clean and bought from a reputable seller. Problems almost always come from one of four things:

• Porous materials that cannot be cleaned properly and can harbour bacteria.
• The wrong lube, which can damage some toys over time.
• Poor cleaning or storage.
• Toys used for anal play without a flared base, which is a genuine safety risk.

Get those right, and toys are a safe, joyful addition to your sex life. And if anything causes pain, irritation or symptoms that do not go away, stop and see a doctor or sexual health clinic.

Body-safe materials: what to buy and what to skip

Material is the single most important choice you will make. The best toys are non-porous: their surface has no tiny pores for bacteria to hide in, so they clean easily and last for years.

Some cheap, soft toys have also been made with phthalates, plasticisers many people prefer to avoid. If you do own porous toys, keep them for your own use and pop a condom over them.

Watch the labels. Terms like "skin-safe", "body-friendly" or "silicone blend" can be vague. A reputable seller will tell you exactly what a toy is made from. If you cannot find out, choose another toy.

Lube: the match that matters

Lube makes almost everything better, and the right one keeps your toy in good shape.

• Water-based lube is the safe all-rounder. It works with every toy material and with condoms, and it washes off easily. If you only buy one, buy this.
• Silicone-based lube lasts longer and is great in the shower, but it can damage silicone toys over time. Use it with glass, steel or hard plastic, or test it on a hidden spot first.
• Oil-based lube (including coconut oil) breaks down latex condoms, so never use it with latex. It can also be harder to clean off toys.
• Hybrid lubes mix water and silicone; check the label before using them with a silicone toy.

If you have sensitive skin, look for simple formulas without added fragrance, flavours or warming and tingling ingredients.

Cleaning and storage

A clean toy is a safe toy, and the routine takes a minute.

• Clean before and after every use. Warm water and mild, unscented soap, or a dedicated toy cleaner, works for most toys.
• Check whether it is waterproof. Splash-proof is not the same as waterproof. Keep charging ports and battery compartments dry.
• Non-motorised silicone, glass and steel can often be sterilised by boiling. Check the maker's instructions first.
• Dry thoroughly before you put it away.
• Store toys in a clean pouch or box, away from dust and heat. Some makers advise keeping silicone toys from touching each other; it does no harm to follow that.
• Inspect regularly. Cracks, tears, chips or a sticky surface mean it is time to replace the toy.
• Charge and travel smart. Remove batteries before travel, or use a travel lock if the toy has one, to avoid a buzzing suitcase.

If you share toys with a partner, use a fresh condom on porous toys, and always clean a toy, or change the condom, before it is used anywhere else.

Choosing your first toy

You do not need anything elaborate. The best first toy is simple, body-safe, well made and something you are genuinely curious about. The main types, named plainly:

• Bullet vibrators. Small, discreet and affordable. A classic first toy.
• Wand vibrators. Larger, powerful and famous for intense vibration. Often loved by people who find smaller toys too gentle.
• Rabbit or dual vibrators. Toys designed to offer more than one sensation at once.
• Air-pulse or suction toys. A newer type that uses pulses of air rather than vibration.
• Couples' toys. Designed to be worn or used during sex with a partner, often controlled by a remote or an app.
• Cock rings. Rings, sometimes vibrating, worn by men; often marketed as couples' toys.
• Plugs. Toys for anal play. Always choose one with a flared base, and start small.
• Dildos. Non-vibrating toys in every size and shape, often silicone or glass.
• Strokers and sleeves. Toys designed for men; look for body-safe materials and clean them carefully.

A few tips for picking:

• Start small and simple. You can always explore bigger, stronger or more complex toys later.
• Read honest reviews that mention noise, power, battery life and how easy it is to clean.
• Consider the noise if you share walls, or live with others.
• Rechargeable toys are often more powerful and better value over time than battery toys.
• Spend a little more for quality. A good silicone toy can last for years; a cheap porous one should not.

Shopping discreetly

Buying a sex toy is ordinary adult shopping, but privacy is reasonable to want.

• Choose a reputable retailer that lists materials clearly and has proper customer reviews. Very cheap toys from unknown marketplace sellers are more likely to be made from questionable materials, or to be counterfeits.
• Check the packaging and billing policy. Many retailers ship in plain packaging and use a neutral name on your bank statement. Check before you buy.
• Consider click-and-collect or a parcel locker if you share a mailbox.
• Shop in person if you prefer. Many adult stores are friendly, unembarrassable places where staff can answer questions and let you feel the materials.
• Think about notifications. Order confirmation emails and app notifications can appear on a shared screen.

Our privacy-first discovery guide has more ideas for keeping your private life private.

Bringing sex toys into a relationship

The fear that a toy will "replace" a partner is common, and almost always unfounded. Toys are a tool for shared pleasure, not a competitor.

• Frame it as an addition. "I think this could be really fun for us" lands better than "you're not enough", which is not what anyone means.
• Shop together. Browsing a toy store, online or in person, is surprisingly flirtatious. Let each of you choose something.
• Start with a couples' toy or a small vibrator you can both play with, rather than something that feels like a solo replacement.
• Let them take the controls. Remote and app-controlled toys can turn a dinner date into a delicious secret.
• Talk about it afterwards. What you liked, what felt odd, what you would try next.

If the conversation feels awkward, our guides on how to talk about sex with a new partner and how to reignite passion in a long-term relationship will help. Curious couples ready for more adventure might enjoy our beginner's guide to pegging and the most popular fetishes explained.

Common questions

Are sex toys safe to use? Yes, when they are made from body-safe, non-porous materials such as silicone, glass, stainless steel or hard plastic, used with compatible lube, cleaned before and after use and bought from a reputable seller.

What is the safest material for a sex toy? Medical-grade or platinum-cure silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel and ABS plastic are all non-porous and considered body-safe.

Can I use silicone lube with a silicone toy? It is generally best not to, as silicone lube can damage silicone toys over time. Use water-based lube instead, or test on a hidden area first.

How do I clean a sex toy? Warm water and mild unscented soap, or a toy cleaner, before and after every use. Keep motorised toys' ports dry, dry everything thoroughly and store it in a clean pouch.

What is a good first sex toy? A small, body-safe silicone vibrator, such as a bullet, is a popular first choice for many people. For couples, a simple couples' toy or vibrating ring is an easy start.

How long do sex toys last? A well-made silicone, glass or steel toy can last for years with good care. Replace any toy that cracks, tears or becomes sticky.