How to get a date this weekend: a practical seven-day plan

It's the start of the week, your weekend is empty, and you would quite like it not to be. Good: a deadline helps. Most people who want a date this weekend never get one because they wait for something to happen instead of making it happen. This is a seven-day plan to get a date this weekend, from fixing your photos on Monday to sitting across from someone on Saturday. It won't guarantee a yes, but it stacks the odds hard in your favour.

The week at a glance

It's a short window, so you're working two channels at once: online, which is slow to start but runs in the background, and in person, which is faster and works better than people expect.

Monday: fix your photos and bio

If you're using the apps, this is the highest-return hour of your week.

Photos. Four to six. One clear, smiling, head-and-shoulders shot in daylight as the first photo. One full-length. One doing something you actually do. One with friends, where it's obvious which one is you. Ditch the sunglasses, the hat in every shot, the fish, the gym-mirror selfie and anything more than a couple of years old. If you have no decent photos, ask a friend to spend twenty minutes walking around with you at golden hour taking candids on a phone. It's worth more than any paid upgrade.

Bio. Three or four lines that give someone something to reply to. A specific thing you love ("making terrible sourdough and eating it anyway"), what you're doing this month, and what you're looking for. Skip the list of demands and the "ask me anything". Specific beats clever.

Plan your nights out. Look at what's on Thursday to Saturday near you. The events calendar and your city's room (for example /rooms/sydney or the nights out room) are good places to see where people are heading. Pick two places and put them in your calendar.

Tuesday and Wednesday: start conversations that go somewhere

Online, quality beats volume. Five thoughtful openers beat fifty "hey"s.

Openers that work online:

• Pick one detail from their profile and ask about it. "Is the sourdough a lockdown habit that never went away, or are you actually good?"
• Offer a playful choice. "Important question before we go any further: beach at sunrise or bar at midnight?"
• Make a light observation and a question. "That hiking photo looks like the Blue Mountains. Was it as cold as it looks?"

Keep replies short and quick to answer. Ask questions, share a bit back, and look for a natural reason to meet. By Wednesday, any conversation that's gone back and forth a few times should get an ask (see below). Conversations that stay on chat for a week usually die there.

Thursday to Saturday: where to go

Thursday is the underrated night. Bars are lively but not packed, people are relaxed, and you can actually talk.

• Thursday: a wine bar, a pub trivia night, a comedy night, a run club or social sport session followed by drinks. Small rooms where people talk to strangers.
• Friday: go out with friends. A group gives you confidence and an easy way to meet other groups. A bar with a beer garden or a rooftop is better than a club.
• Saturday: markets, a gig, a gallery opening in the afternoon or evening, or a busy bar early in the night.

Go early (seven to ten is when rooms are sociable), sit at the bar or a shared table rather than a booth, and talk to the staff first to warm up. If a place is dead, leave and try the next one. If you're going out alone, our guide to meeting people nearby tonight has more.

Opening lines that work in person

You don't need a line. You need a reason to start talking and a friendly face. Things that work:

• The situational question. "Is this band always this good, or are we lucky tonight?" "Have you had anything here that's worth ordering?"
• The honest compliment, specific and light. "I have to say, that jacket is great." Then a question, and let it go if she doesn't pick it up.
• The direct opener. "Hi, I saw you from across the bar and wanted to come and say hello. I'm Sam." Said with a smile and without expectation, this works far better than people think.

Then listen. Ask follow-up questions about what she says, share something about yourself, and notice whether she's enjoying it. If she's turning away, giving one-word answers or looking for her friends, thank her and move on. Our guide to flirting without being creepy covers the signals in more detail.

Asking for the date with a specific plan

This is where most people fall over. "We should catch up some time" gets a polite yes and nothing ever happens. A specific plan gets a real answer.

The formula: what you enjoyed + a specific plan + an easy out.

• In person: "I've really enjoyed talking to you. There's a little bar in Surry Hills that does great cocktails. Would you like to come for a drink on Saturday at six?"
• Online: "This is fun, but I'd rather do it over a drink. Free Saturday afternoon? There's a night market on near me and I've been meaning to go."

Then get their number or swap to messages and confirm the day before. Keep the first date short, an hour or two, so it's easy to say yes. If it's going brilliantly, you can always extend it.

Date ideas that work at short notice

You don't need a booking six weeks out. Weekend dates that come together on the day:

• A drink at a small bar, early evening
• A walk along the beach, river or harbour, then gelato
• A night market or weekend market
• A comedy show or an early gig at a pub
• Mini golf, bowling or barefoot bowls
• Brunch somewhere relaxed on Sunday

The full list, sorted by budget, is in our guide to first date ideas that lead to a second date.

Handling rejection fast

You'll get some nos this week. That's not failure; that's the plan working. Every no is an answer, and answers are better than drifting.

• In person: smile, "No worries, enjoy your night", and walk away. Don't argue, don't ask why, don't try again ten minutes later.
• Online: if someone stops replying, let it go. One follow-up at most, a day or two later, then move on.
• Don't take it personally. People say no because they're seeing someone, they're tired, they're not in the mood, or you're just not their type. None of that is a verdict on you.
• Keep the numbers up. The person who asks five people this week has a far better chance than the person who carefully picks one.

The quicker you shake off a no, the more relaxed you'll be with the next person, and relaxed is attractive.

Common questions

What's the best night to meet someone? Thursday is often the best for conversation. Friday and Saturday are busier, which means more people but more noise and more groups.

Is it too late to ask someone out on Friday for Saturday? No. Plenty of people decide their weekend late. A specific, low-key plan for the next day is easy to say yes to.

Should I ask for a number or move straight to a date? If the conversation is good, ask for the date and swap numbers to confirm it. A number with no plan often goes nowhere.

What if I get no dates this weekend? Then you've fixed your profile, started conversations and got some practice. Keep them going, and run the plan again next week. It compounds.

Is it ok to go out alone to meet people? Yes. Sit at a bar or shared table, go early, and talk to staff. City rooms on LuXeel and the Community are also good places to find people who are going out.